Terrible Teens? Too Bad.

 I recently received a message from an old youth leader of mine. I have always looked up to them as a mentor, and even a friend as I grew into an adult. They knew I had recently graduated from Yale University with a degree in child development with an emphasis on adolescence. My dissertation was all about the effects of corporal punishment and emotional intelligence in teens. This is what they had to say: 

“Dear Angela McChicken, (Or I guess I should say Master McChicken)

I am thrilled to hear about your incredible success on defending your dissertation! Your mother tells me the Yale child department was so impressed with your research, that they wanted to offer you a full-time job on the spot! I was pleased to hear that you preferred to humbly serve as a consultant for troubled teens in the huge city of Rexburg, Idaho. You’ve always had a keen heart from a young age. 

I’m reaching out because you are an expert! My daughter is turning into quite the…brat? I feel terrible saying it! Is it my fault? I do not know how to discipline her! She knows that it is my way or the highway as I always say, but she does not act like she actually believes me when I say that. She’s too old now for spanks. When I take her phone away for talking back, she just laughs at me and it is humiliating. Her Father has not been on my side and yells at me to be nicer. Everything just feels so unfair. Whomever said Terrible Twos was wrong! More like Terrible Teens! 

Help,

*Krissy

Krissy (*not her real name) has always been so strong willed. She’s very kind, but definitely needed some advice. I emailed her back and forth for a while, and I am impressed with her willingness to change. She has accepted that  she has been in the wrong and that she has some things to work on. This is how I would describe her new attitude. 

Before, she saw her daughter talking back as disrespect. Krissy had to take a step back and realize that her daughter was simply acting her age. IN Erik Erickson’s description of adolescence, teens are trying to establish their identity. It is normal for teenagers to try and talk back. (See link below for more reading on Erik Erickson) 

The next thing we had to do was establish why Krissy thought life felt so unfair. It turns out that Krissy was personally struggling with a lot. She made plans to meet with a therapist and she says that she feels a lot closer to her spouse, and that has helped the family to be more unified. 



Additionally, We talked about the importance of proper punishments related to both age and the action. We determined that corporal punishment leads to more aggression and less confident adults. 

Krissy has vowed to take a more authoritative approach to parenting rather than an Authoritarian approach. 

After a few weeks, Krissy as already noticed that she is more confident in herself and her daughter seems happier and calmer as well. 

She sent this to me last week: 

“Terrible Teens? Too Bad.”  [my daughter] was acting her age and needed the attention she deserves, I just didn’t know how to listen. It’s hard to judge when you are being treated with disrespect. She deserved respect and so did I. I needed to treat myself with love and my daughter. As I have been focusing on self love and self improvement, I have felt closer with my family than ever. Thanks for everything Angela! 

That’s all for now! Next, we will discuss the importance on curbing our anger and validating our children’s emotions. 

Sources: 


Cherry, Kendra. “Understanding Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 3 Aug. 2022, https://www.verywellmind.com/erik-eriksons-stages-of-psychosocial-development-2795740. 


Published by iamthephoenixrising View all posts by iamthephoenixrising, et al. “Parenting Series 1 of 3: The Parenting Pyramid.” I Am the Phoenix Rising, 31 May 2019, https://iamthephoenixrising.wordpress.com/2019/05/31/parenting-series-1-of-3-the-parenting-pyramid/. 


Erik Erikson: https://www.verywellmind.com/erik-eriksons-stages-of-psychosocial-development-2795740



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